The Role of Mattering in Sustaining Family Ownership Across Generations
By: Henri-Lee Stalk, Mariana Restrepo, Darren Good, Frank Foster
I. The business case for mattering
Family enterprises tend to outperform non-family firms when a long-term vision, disciplined capital allocation, and deep commitment to stakeholders are reinforced by cohesive family relationships in which each member feels seen, heard, and valued. When relationships fracture, family ownership, once a source of competitive advantage, can instead become a significant source of risk.
Unlike publicly held companies, business-owning families operate under both financial and emotional contracts; the latter plays an influential role in shaping shared values, identity, and expectations. Treating these emotional contracts as strategic assets and managing them deliberately turns family dynamics into a source of business differentiation and long-term family sustainability. When neglected, however, they can just as easily erode trust, weaken cohesion, and allow unproductive dynamics to fester.
II. Core principles of mattering
Drawing on Dr. Gordon Flett’s foundational research in The Psychology of Mattering: Understanding the Human Need to Be Significant (Flett, 2018) and Zach Mercurio’s The Power of Mattering (Mercurio, 2021), mattering is understood as a core human need involving three key dimensions: feeling relied upon, being seen as important, and knowing one is noticed by others (Rosenberg & McCullough, 1981). When these behaviors are absent or inconsistent, “anti-mattering” emerges, where individuals feel invisible, replaceable, or burdensome, increasing risks of disengagement, withdrawal, and conflict.
Mattering is inherently bidirectional: people feel significant when they are both valued and able to give value. For family enterprises, this means creating pathways for every member, regardless of their role in the business, to contribute to the family’s shared purpose, while also experiencing appreciation and respect within the family culture.
III. Mattering in action
Family leaders can translate mattering into daily practices through a simple, repeatable sequence: listen, reflect, act, and repeat. This begins with regular, focused check-ins centered on assessing individual and collective mattering, which can be conducted through confidential interviews, facilitated conversations, or surveys that invite family members to share how they experience belonging, being heard and having a voice, recognition, and opportunity within the family enterprise.
This also provides an opportunity to gain insight into what drives and motivates family members, revealing what is most important to them personally and professionally. Structured family communications such as a family newsletter, customized digital platforms for the family, and regular updates from family enterprise leaders, help highlight individual stories and create opportunities for initiatives that reflect family members’ interests and show how their voices influence decisions and actions within the family enterprise.
Engaging in regular rituals of recognition can take this further, such as offering personalized acknowledgments at family gatherings and celebrating meaningful milestones. These practices signal that individuals are valued for who they are, not just for their roles within the family enterprise or their financial investment. Similarly, philanthropy and volunteering projects can give family members the chance to act on shared values and experience themselves, and the family enterprise, as a positive force in the broader community.
To build on this, families can conduct a “Mattering” survey (Flett, 2022) to assess the extent to which family members feel recognized, valued, and significant within the family system. Survey items might include statements such as “I feel important to the family,” “My views are heard and acknowledged,” and “Being part of the family is special” (These items are adapted from validated measures of mattering, including the General Mattering Scale (Rosenberg & McCullough, 1981) and subsequent applied frameworks developed by Flett (2018; 2022), which assess perceived importance, recognition, and relational significance). Responses are typically captured using a Likert scale, allowing families to gauge patterns of perceived mattering across generations and roles. Results can guide initiatives that address both individual and shared needs. By identifying where family members feel most valued and where gaps exist, families can tailor experiences, communications, and opportunities that strengthen relationships, encourage engagement, and ensure all voices contribute to shared goals and vision for the family and the family enterprise.
IV. Ownership engagement
Ownership engagement is where the emotional contract directly shapes long-term direction, priorities, and the choices that help the family enterprise succeed and endure in its markets over time.
Regular ownership audits assess what matters most to current and future shareholders, such as financial expectations, risk tolerance, time horizons, and social or environmental priorities. These conversations surface both shared aspirations and differences, giving leaders a realistic picture of owner priorities across generations.
An Owner Strategy Statement then translates this input into clear direction and boundaries for the family enterprise, explicitly stating how owners want the business to create value and what they want to avoid. When the process is inclusive and transparent, current and future owners see themselves as active contributors to the larger vision rather than passive bystanders. This builds more informed, engaged owners who understand risks and opportunities across market cycles, strengthening alignment in decision-making and supporting the long-term resilience of the enterprise.
The table below summarizes how key ownership engagement practices support a sense of mattering for owners while also strengthening long-term direction, alignment, and resilience of the family enterprise.
| Element | Purpose for mattering | Competitive advantage |
| Ownership audits | Surface what each owner values and fears | Helps define and guide family and business strategy with risk management across the family enterprise |
| Owner Strategy Statement | Codifies shared priorities and guardrails | Aligns future owners, family, board and management with long-term capital planning |
| Regular owner dialogues | Keeps expectations current across generations | Reduces surprises, exits pressure, and improves governance engagement |
V. Creating Belonging Across Generations and Family Roles
Certain family members are especially at risk of feeling a lack of mattering, including non-operating owners, in-laws, geographically distant relatives, those whose career paths diverge from the family script, and those who have previously been marginalized within the family.
Adolescents and emerging adults may feel overshadowed or pigeonholed by older generations, while older generations can feel displaced during leadership transitions. By creating intentional pathways that align with each family member’s age and stage of life, experiences are more likely to be meaningful. For adolescents, this includes identifying engaging opportunities that introduce them to the family enterprise while also supporting their identity beyond it, such as hands-on learning experiences inside and outside the business that build financial and interpersonal skills for effective future ownership, mentorship aligned with their goals, family activities geared to their interests, and age-appropriate opportunities to share their perspectives and help shape family enterprise initiatives. Emerging adults seek pathways to apply their skills and be recognized as contributors to the family’s future through internships, interest-focused projects, collaborative learning, and advisory roles. Older generations often benefit from thoughtful transitions into governance, mentoring, or ambassador roles that honor their legacy while supporting the next generation in co-creating the family’s vision for the future. Peer networks give family members a space to connect with others who understand the realities of growing up in a business-owning family, reducing isolation and reinforcing a sense of shared experience.
VI. Embedding mattering systemically
For mattering to be sustained within the family culture, it needs to be part of how the family operates day-to-day, not a one-time effort. Family Councils can lead this by designing meetings that make space for every voice, such as setting clear agendas that include items raised by family members outside the Council, rotating facilitation roles, inviting input from different generations, communicating clearly when Council meetings are taking place, and reserving time for listening, appreciation, and reflection on how family members experience being part of the family.
Family agreements and governance documents can reinforce this by clearly stating a commitment to inclusion, participation across generations, open communication and dispute resolution, while outlining different ways for family members to be involved with the family enterprise at different stages of life. Families that create and follow clear standards of behavior for meetings are also better prepared to enter discussions with shared expectations for how they want to act, listen, and respond to one another.
VII. Mattering as a competitive advantage
For business-owning families who hope to co-own assets together across generations, helping each person feel that they truly matter is essential to the health and continuity of the family enterprise. Mattering paves the way to manage emotional contracts with the same rigor applied to financial capital and risk management and business operations. When people feel noticed, affirmed, and genuinely needed, they stay engaged. They offer their best ideas and are more willing to work through the inevitable tensions that arise in service of a shared vision and a lasting enterprise.
When families intentionally weave a sense of mattering into governance, ownership decisions, and everyday practices, relationships become a true source of strength. While competitors may match operational efficiency or replicate cost-saving strategies, they cannot copy a family’s shared history, trust, values, and long-term commitment.
The invitation to family enterprise leaders is straightforward: don’t treat mattering as an add-on. Make it a guiding principle for how the family organizes, makes decisions, and leads together across generations.
References:
Flett, G. (2018). The Psychology of Mattering ([edition unavailable]). Elsevier Science. Retrieved from https://www.perlego.com/book/1833444/the-psychology-of-mattering-understanding-the-human-need-to-be-significant-pdf (Original work published 2018)
Flett, G. L. (2022). An Introduction, Review, and Conceptual Analysis of Mattering as an Essential Construct and an Essential Way of Life. Journal of Psychoeducational Assessment, 40(1), 3-36. https://doi.org/10.1177/07342829211057640
Mercurio, Z. (2025). The power of mattering: How leaders can create a culture of significance. Harvard Business Review Press.
Rosenberg, M., & McCullough, B. C. (1981). Mattering: Inferred significance and mental health among adolescents. Research in Community and Mental Health, 2, 163–182.
